Science Is At It Again, Says Sitting Too Much Will Kill You

CNN – One of your favorite activities may actually be killing you. Our entire modern world is constructed to keep you sitting down. When we drive, we sit. When we work at an office, we sit. When we watch TV, well, you get the picture. And yet, a new study that’s running in the Annals of Internal Medicine found that this kind of sedentary behavior increases our chances of getting a disease or a condition that will kill us prematurely, even if we exercise.

Well isn’t that just fan-freaking-tastic? All my life I’ve been washing my hands multiple times a day to make sure I don’t catch a cold. I do my best to avoid traveling because I don’t want to get Ebola. I don’t share needles with homeless people because I don’t want to catch the AIDS. And what have I been doing all of this for? Virtually nothing. Because as science has just pointed out to us, I’ve been sitting on my deathbed this entire time without even knowing it. Gonna die so fast. I can already feel my body withering away. Might be dead by the time Smitty hits publish on this blog.

As much as dying sucks, however, I think I’ll take a page out of Chris Conte’s book. Just as playing in the NFL is worth the risk of an early death, so is blogging. I mean, sure, I could go be a geologist or some shit like that and prolong my life for an extra 5 years or so. But who would be there to tell me I = does anal when I’m studying igneous rocks? How would I ever find out that my name is gay if I was out in the field learning about plate tectonics? Life as a blogger is just as you’d imagine it to be. Glitz and glamour galore. If that means I have to die super early because I sit a lot, then so be it.